


Fairy Tale Endings

by Nemesis (ThetaSigma), ThetaSigma



Category: Psych
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-27
Updated: 2012-05-27
Packaged: 2017-11-06 03:33:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/414247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/Nemesis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/ThetaSigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he says I love you, it makes all the difference in the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fairy Tale Endings

She used to tell you she loved you, and you believed her, of course, because you wanted her to love you so much. Because you loved her so much, and at times, you couldn’t fathom her not returning that love.

It was what made you hold on so tightly when she wanted to leave, and it was what made you so depressed when you couldn’t stop her from leaving.

Her ‘I love you’s’ had meant nothing in the end, and you blamed yourself for failing at your marriage.

***

You know, though, when you think about it, that her ‘I love you’s’ were never affectionate. That even in the beginning, it was… a bit cold, a bit distant, like this whole dating thing was a phase. But you accepted it, because you didn’t know where this was heading. Because you were blind to the future. You wanted to believe this would last, forever and ever, until death do us part, and you figured, it was the way she was. 

A bit cold, a bit distant, but that matched, right? Because you were a bit cold and a bit distant and so in theory, you made a great match.

***

It turned out, later, that she was neither cold nor distant. That she could be affectionate and loving and warm, and it was just _you_.

You didn’t find this out at some fortunate point in your marriage.

It was seeing her with her new boyfriend that brought about this revelation. For many moments, you stood there in the produce line, a melon in your hands – and you hate melons, too, but holding it gives you a sense of belonging, like you’re not just stalking her – and stared at her, wondering who this woman was and what had happened to your (ex-) wife.

***

In the end, you simply figured that because you were the way you were, it was best she wasn’t with you and no one was with you, because after all, you made a warm, affectionate person cold and distant.

Only a monster could do that.

***

Or so you thought until he swept into your life and ignored your carefully set boundaries. Most people trembled when you became angry, but he just smiled and edged further into your personal space.

Nothing, but nothing, that you did could make this bright, warm person anything but cold and distant.

He even treated you kindly and invited you to join in when you had been a bastard to him, and you realized that maybe there _was_ one person in the world who didn’t dim when you were around.

***

That alone makes you respect him and want to know him.

Getting to know him, the complexities lurking behind the shallow, shiny surface make you like him.

The complexities are, at times, overwhelming, and yet… yet he is still warm and bubbly, and you realize one day, you love him.

***

His ‘I love you’s’ are different, so different, from your ex-wife’s. 

He says it rarely, befitting someone who has trouble with commitment and responsibility. You don’t mind that he doesn’t say it daily, because after all, in your mind, saying them all the time cheapens it a bit.

 _She_ said it often, and it was so hollow, that you’ve began to believe ‘I love you’ means nothing.

But when _he_ says ‘I love you,’ his voice is filled with such affection and warmth and _love_ that you can’t help but wonder what you did to deserve him in your life.

When _he_ says ‘I love you,’ it means everything in the world.

***

Some silly part of you wanted a fairy tale ending to your life. A nice little ‘happily ever after’ solving everything.

After _her_ , you know that there’s no such thing as happily ever after, and that you can’t _know_ that something’s going to work out.

Because who can really, truly predict another human being, especially when your emotions cloud your judgment?

But sometimes, you still wish for that happily ever after, and sometimes, you wonder if _he_ believes in it too. You rather think he’d _like_ to, just like you, and you wonder if a pair of hopeless romantics have a hope.

You want there to be a hope, because you _never_ want to give him up, you can’t imagine never being there for him, you can’t imagine not waking up to him every morning and going to bed with him every night and just _being_ together and fuck, you’re in love again, just like that.

And yeah, you already knew you loved him and wanted him, but you didn’t know that you’re this deeply, hopelessly in love.

You realize you’ve been staring at him for a long time when he looks up and says, “Carlton, is everything alright?”

Yes, fine, I’m just having a major paradigm shift, you think to yourself, but it’s not what you say.

Later, you’ll wish that’s what you said, because _he_ would’ve understood and he would’ve laughed with you about it, and you are _so fucking in love._

***

You don’t say it back to him for a long time, and he doesn’t complain. He knows that you’ll say it when you’re ready, and until then, he won’t ask you to give more than you can.

And one day, one normal day, when you get back from work, you see him standing there in the kitchen, fighting with the coffee machine.

His lack of talent with basic household appliances is boringly normal, absurdly commonplace, and yet you smile anyway, _because_ it’s boringly normal and absurdly commonplace, because you find it funny that someone with his mind _cannot_ work a coffee machine. 

He’s keeping up a steady stream of babble at the coffee machine, trying everything and anything both in speech and in actions to get it to work.

Really, all he has to do is flip the switch, you set it up earlier for him.

You walk up behind him and press into his back, smiling at the way he presses back. You reach around him and flick the machine on, and he turns and smiles brightly at you. Your heart swells with love.

He opens his mouth to speak, but you place a finger over it to stall him.

You need to say this, now. “Shawn,” you begin, telling yourself you can’t string him along forever and it’s time you _did something about this_. Because now you know for sure that this is the man that makes you happy and this is the man that you want to grow old and _this_ is the man that you’re going to be buried next to, because even if you don’t believe in Heaven and Hell anymore, there’s something inexplicably romantic about your bones being together forever. “Shawn. I love you.”

And the smile on his face is enough for you to know that you were right: this is _forever and ever_ , like in fairy tales.

 _This_ is your happily ever after.


End file.
